“The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don’t have.” - Woody Allen

Editor’s note: This is a guest article by Andrew J. Sherman.

Road Rules: Be the Truck. Not the Squirrel. Learn the 12 Essential Rules for Navigating the Road of Life was published earlier this month as my 18th book, but my first about life, motivation and self-help. My previous 17 books were all about business growth and development, but in 25 years of serving as a legal and strategic advisor to some of the world’s most successful enterprises as well as growing and established global companies, I began to observe strong parallels to personal growth and development.

I had also been accumulating a series of song lyrics, parables, quotes, stories, television and film scenes, etc. which had influenced my own career or served as a source of inspiration or guidance, which all lead to a two year effort in bringing the book to the general public.

In Road Rules, I chose the act of driving as a metaphor for life and all twelve (12) essential rules relate back to the experiences we face on our daily commute. My hope was that by focusing on something that we all do each day, the lessons would be easy to understand, absorb and apply to the challenges we face, both in the short term in a weak economy as well as long-term as we plot out our road maps for our life’s journey.

Let’s take a look at a summary of a few key points and observations from some of my favorite road rules:

1. Be The Truck Not The Squirrel. On the ecosystem of the highway of life, strive to be closer to the truck than the squirrel. The truck drives confidently down the road of life as a carrier of valuable cargo for the benefit of others. Its mission is purposeful and directed – it is trying to get to a particular destination, deliver its goods and return to the road for its next task.

   The truck remains focused on its goals – you’ll never see a truck out for a casual Sunday afternoon drive. The squirrel spends its days scampering around with no apparent mission or purpose, randomly searching for its next acorn and all too often, winds up crushed by the truck as roadkill. The truck did not intend to kill the squirrel but was unable to save those creatures that get in the way of its path who are unable or unwilling to help themselves.

   Like the deer in the headlights who just freezes before its peril, we must be dedicated to a life of purposeful decision-making, especially in these difficult economic times. Whether a move to the left or the right was ultimately the right decision is less relevant than your willingness to move fast enough to avoid a fatal collision.

2. Share the Road. The road of life does not belong to you alone on this journey. These are the two critical messages of the book’s second road rule. First, share the road. How many times have we seen other drivers, either on the road of life or on our actual highways cut off others as if their ability to reach their intended destination was more important than the rest of us. It is as if none of the rest of really mattered. We cannot live our lives in this selfish vacuum, especially in a post 9-11 and post-Enron society. We prosper by helping others to prosper. We embrace the notion that everyone’s attempt to reach their goals in life are equally important.

   One of us can never be more important than all of us. Second, we are not alone on this journey. We all have an obligation to play tour guide to those who are trying to travel the roads that we have already mastered. Be a coach, a mentor, a friend to those who are trying to get to where you have already been. Our interconnected society driven by the internet, PDA’s and social networks allow us to help each other in ways never imaginable and it will only get better and stronger as technology requires.

   I am old enough to remember the excitement of connecting with another driver on a CB radio, who could warn me of the detours and challenges that may lie ahead. We are now empowered to support each other in that same way, but where a few key strokes on to a device that sits in the palm of our hand can influence and improve the journey of thousands of other drivers on the road of life in a matter of milliseconds. Wow – I look so forward to the road ahead.



3. Be An All Weather Driver. In this road rule, I was guided by a parable which reminds us all that if we only walk our paths on bright sunny days and on trails which are smooth and flat and on days where we feel healthy and invigorated and when we are wearing all the right gear and have all the right supplies, then we’ll never reach our destination.

   To act only when conditions are perfect is essentially to not act at all. There will never be a time or a place when all of your driving conditions on the road of life will be ideal. You must commit to being al all-weather driver and an all-weather friend. We all can remember the phrase which goes back to our school-aged years about Billy or Susie being a “fair-weathered” friend. These were the people who were your best friend whenever things were going great, but were nowhere to be found when the proverbial sh*!?+ hit the fan. Well, I can promise you that Billy and Susie are probably still living their lives in that fickle and unreliable manner and it is not serving them well on their journey.

   The truck must proceed in its journey and adapt its driving style accordingly in the worst of ice, snow, fog, hail, rain or the wheels of commerce come to a halt. The truck accepts that fact that not all roads or driving conditions will be perfect, but agrees to enter the highway of life each day either way.

   As we grow older, we see these same “fair-weather” friends in the workplace. We see co-workers that will support you and abide by principles of teamwork after a project is going well, but will distance themselves as quickly as they can if a project or engagement is going poorly. We often must live with leaders of companies who are effective when the company’s growth looks like a hockey stick, but you would never want to follow them into a heated battle. We even see company’s culture unacceptably and unnecessarily abandon their trust, integrity and ethics, just because the weather is getting a little stormy. Lifelong all-weather drivers commit themselves to one code of ethics and values and conduct that will not be compromised just because we have a few inches of snow on the ground.

4. Accidents Can Happen To Even The Best Drivers. This road rule is based in part on one of my favorite and most practical books, When Bad Things Happen To Good People, by Rabbi Harold Kushner.

   In his book, Kushner reminds us that we can commit to live our lives in a good and decent way and still stumble from time to time. There are circumstances we can control and many that we cannot, but that does not excuse or justify an abandonment of the rules or disavow a commitment to live a life of purpose and meaning just because something bad could still happen.

   When a 55 year old marathon runner has a heart attack unexpectedly, it is not likely that they lay on the hospital operating table, wishing that they had been an overweight couch potato. We must commit our lives to being good and considerate drivers on the road of life (and on the actual highways) free from distraction, discourtesy and drugs or alcohol which influence our abilities and accept the fact that we may still have accidents notwithstanding our good habits.
   The fear of an accident cannot be an excuse for not entering the highway or we’ll never reach our destination.

   Everything in life has its risks and the most successful people and companies that I have ever met learn how to manage and mitigate these risks by accepting the fact that risk or stress-avoidance is a misnomer and a fantasy. Anything you can do to ensure that the accident will cause some damage, but not be fatal to you or others on the road will serve you well in life.



5. Don’t Judge a Driver By His Vehicle. In this road rule, the messages of “not judging a book by its cover” or pre-determining the character of a person by their appearance are discussed and reinforced in the context of driving.

   All too often on the road of life, we see a person in an expensive luxury sedan and make assumptions about their level of success or see a person in an old jalopy and feel sympathy for their apparent underachievements. Nothing could be more ridiculous. Hollywood stars and entertainers can be seen in L.A. in a Toyota Prius, Warren Buffett still drives each day from modest home in Omaha in an old Cadillac and Sam Walton drove to his office in Bentonville in an old pick-up truck.

   On the flip side, there are real estate agents and sales professionals who lease luxury cars at absorbitant rates to convey a picture of success that are having trouble meeting their monthly mortgage payments. It is not for me or you to judge others on the decisions that they make, but we do have an obligation to look beyond the surface and embrace someone’s inner driver before arriving at any conclusions about whether we want to interact with them as a friend, neighbor or co-worker.

   We have made some strides towards a society that celebrates diversity and inclusion, but still have a long way to go. Whether you voted for him or not, we all take price in electing our first African-American president, but cannot now “check that box” and assume that all racial tensions in this country have been abolished. For as long as diversity best practices preach tolerance as a compromise for heartfelt appreciation of each other, the problems and challenges will persist.

   Diversity is the engine and the fuel for innovation, creativity and collaboration, but only if we stop worrying about a car’s exterior package and stay focused on the essence and functionality of the interior.

For more insights on being an enlightened driver on the road of life, take a look at http://bethetruck.com. I would also strongly encourage you to share with me your own driving war stories, parables and metaphors, advice particularly those that have influenced your driving style or your intended destination.
* * * * * * *
About the Author
ANDREW J. SHERMAN is a Partner in the Washington, D.C. office of Dickstein Shapiro LLP, with over 400 attorneys nationwide. Mr. Sherman is a recognized international authority on the legal and strategic issues affecting small and growing companies. His eighteenth (18th) book, Road Rules: Be the Truck. Not the Squirrel. Learn the 12 Essential Rules for Navigating the Road of Life is an inspirational book which was published in the fall of 2008. Mr. Sherman can be reached at 202-420-5000 or e-mail ShermanA@dicksteinshapiro.com.

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“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” - Mary Engelbreit

I don’t regret one single day of this past year.

2008 was a year of profound change for me and my family. Not change in a typically cliché way, but meaningful and substantial change that can be witnessed by others and felt in the part of my heart that gives me the courage to keep working; to keep changing and to keep healing.

As you reflect on your personal 2008, chances are very good the things you remember the most are the things that brought the greatest amount of change to your life.

Change can bring us growth and change can also cause fear. When we choose change we are stepping away from the known and into the unknown. Experiencing the unknown goes to the heart of this past year and reminds me of the value of what happens around me, and to me, can also change me.

The following articles from 2008 are my offerings to honor and celebrate the glory that change and love has in my life. I share these from a thankful and changing heart.

• The preciousness of life. Our time on this earth is precious and can be over without notice. The day of Mary Beth’s surgery was a sudden reminder that what we have right now can be taken away In the Blink of an Eye.
• Taking out the garbage. What we have learned about ourselves can sometimes contribute to our feelings of shame. I had the opportunity to throw away some garbage with 10 Things You Wish You Had Never Learned.
• If I only had one last breath to breathe, I would want to breathe love. Love is a choice. We get to choose who we love and how to show our love each day. The most popular post of 2008 (over 100,000 people have read this one article) is How to Love Consciously.
• Learning to be a better father. My oldest daughter, Caitlin, and I had the chance to take a trip to New York City last March. During the trip, my daughter gave me a mulligan, a fresh start as a father. Confessions from a Recovering Father is my gift to her for this opportunity.
• Beginning to heal. Of all the articles I wrote this past year, Why Does the Thunder Hide the Rain?, is my personal favorite because for one night I was able to acknowledge my wounds and at the same time begin to have hope for the healing that was occurring inside of me.
• Four days of change. Four very special days in May reminded me that we all have the power to decide where we want to go in life, we get to choose our direction and we get to decide The Beginning of Next.
• The end of a life. The unexpected death of Mary Beth’s father caused the entire family to reevaluate their own lives and to find meaning and hope in the loss. The family has forever been Changed for Good.
• A celebration of hope. Just a couple of weeks ago, I offered 10 Wonderful Gifts that Give Us Hope.

The Year Ahead

First and foremost, thank you for being a part of my journey. If you are a frequent reader of The BridgeMaker, thank you! If you are new to my blog, then welcome.

There will much more to write about and share in the year ahead because that’s the beauty of life – it’s just keeps changing and keeps getting better if we allow it.

My hope for you is you will continue to look for change and embrace it when it happens. My hope for me is I will continue to live from my heart and find ways to share it every day.

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“Inspiration and genius–one and the same.” -Victor Hugo

Our days can be long and tiring. With so much to do, there seems to be little time left for creativity and inspiration. However, we are most effective when we are inspired to think outside of the box in order to find creative solutions to the problems and challenges we face in our everyday lives.

Whether you have writer’s block; contemplating a life-changing decision; or you just need a little nudge to get some things figured out, try these igniters for inspiration.

Rest your mind and body
Fatigue can get the best of you. Exhaustion can leave you with little energy to think creativity. If you find yourself dragging and your inspiration is just not there, try going to bed earlier or waking up a little later. Consider using the weekend to catch-up on some much needed rest. Your mind will recover as soon as your body does.

Step outside
Your home or office can actually stifle inspiration because of the monotony and routines found there. To kick-start your creativity, step outside, breathe some fresh air, admire the scenery and clear your mind.

Get romantic
One major benefit of getting romantic isn’t just the connection and bond you form with your partner, but love making is also responsible for releasing Endorphins. These biochemical compounds located in your brain are responsible for periods of intense happiness and pleasure when released. An “Endorphin Rush” can definitely bring about some inspiration!

Spend an afternoon with your child
Our children can often remind us of what is truly important in life. Time with them keeps us grounded and focused on how to continue striving to be the best parents we can be. We can also learn a lot from them. Sometimes their simplistic and honest view of life can jumpstart us into looking at a problem from a different perspective.

Exercise
Move! One the best ways for your body to release a healthy dose of inspiring-producing hormones is to get up and get going. I have noticed on days when I feel stressed and completely uninspired, I make myself go to the gym and exercise. After plugging some high-energy music into my ears and getting the first mile on the treadmill behind me, I feel rejuvenated and refreshed.

Do some housework or yard work
The value in getting some chores done isn’t just in the fact you can get a little exercise in the process, but you can actually get something accomplished! Too often the larger problems of your life can seem overwhelming. There is little energy left for inspiration when these concerns are in front of you. But vacuuming the carpet or mowing the yard are tangible, cross-them-off-your-list type items which can make you feel successful. This feeling will cross-over to other areas in your life, too.

Read a good book
Steinbeck, Faulkner and Grisham are not only some of my favorite writers; they also motivate and inspire me to write, too. No matter your favorite author or genre, sitting down with a book you enjoy will help take your mind off your daily routine and will engage your imagination. The result will be a clearer mind better equipped to discover new-found inspiration.

Watch a movie
Like reading a book, watching a movie can also give you new ideas or help you see things in a different way. Really good movies have a way of speaking to our hearts and recharging our minds. One thought, one idea, from a movie can be just the seed we are looking for in order to begin growing and cultivating our own inspiration.

Go for a walk
Take a walk. Better yet, go for a walk with a friend or your partner. Having some unencumbered time without emails, telephone calls (leave your cell phones behind, if possible) and meetings can lead to important conversations where new ideas can be explored and refined.

Take a bath
Personally, I don’t get this one, but my wife swears by it. At the end of a long day, she will draw a tub full or hot water and drop-in pellets of bath salts. She may take a book to read, or just bask in the relaxing water to clear her mind. Her stress level is always reduced afterwards and she is ready for another day.

Relax in a coffee shop
Sometimes the distractions in my house keep me from finding the inspiration needed to do any quality writing. This is when I pack it up and head to the Starbucks. There, I get my favorite cup, find a quiet table, and let my inspiration begin to percolate.

Go for a long car ride
There’s something soothing about hearing the car engine run or the sound of the tires striking the pavement in a predictable cadence. Take along a few of your favorite CDs and you have an incredible recipe for inspiration. The solitude and the forward movement of travelling in a car further promote this unusual place for your creativity to be revved up.

Hang out with your friends
Let loose and just forget about it for a while. Time with your friends can be the perfect distraction to take your mind off any stress or anxiety that may be weighing you down. Sometimes moments of inspiration strike when you are not even looking for it or least expect it.

Go on a date with your partner
Similar to hanging out with your friends – but more intimate and fun (see Get romantic above)!

Do nothing for as long as you can stand it
When your inspiration and creativity are just not flowing, try shutting it down for a while. Actually walk away from the barrier. Time spent doing absolutely nothing will clear your mind and recharge your batteries. You will find clarity when your day becomes less complicated.

Play hooky from work or school
Take a day just for you. If your schedule allows (and it won’t get you too far behind) consider taking a day for self-care. Go the gym, visit the library or do whatever it is that puts you in a relaxed and inspirational state. When you return, you may find yourself refreshed and ready to go full-steam again.

Take-in a ballgame
There’s something cathartic about going to a good ballgame. Whether it’s attending a basketball game right now or waiting until Spring returns and then hitting the park for a baseball game, the emotion and energy expended is usually contagious, and inspirational!

Channel surf
There are no accidents without value. Here’s what I mean: If you find yourself in an apathetic and uninspiring state, which is using the catalyst for wanting to channel surf in the first place, chances are very good you will land on a show or program that will provide suggestions or will inspire you to solve a problem that’s been nagging you.

Visit the shopping mall
This isn’t an excuse to spend beyond your means, but rather an opportunity to put yourself in a different environment and expose your mind to a variety of sensations. The smells coming from the food court, the brightly-colored advertisements in the store windows and the thrill of buying something new can all contribute to getting your inspiration back on track.

Get a massage
There is a mind - body connection. Nurture one and the other benefits from association.

Cook a delicious meal
Preparing a meal takes a measure of creativity. It begins with planning the menu, organizing the ingredients, and then bringing it all together. Your ingenuity will be sparked and you pallet (creative and otherwise) will be satisfied.

Pray
There is a plan for each of us. At times, however, we may feel our personal plan is off-track or just not attainable. When this happens, we need to rely on our faith and surrender our doubt. Your prayer, or a consciousness manifestation of your heart’s desire, will be heard because the Universe is always listening. You just need to remember to keep asking for more of what you want. Bo doing so, your inspiration will be reignited and your progress will be unstoppable.

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“525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? - from the song Seasons of Love by Jonathan Larson

The last days in December are for measuring. We measure this Christmas with the Christmases from our childhood. Our holiday traditions are honored and duplicated because we find comfort in the familiar.

After the excitement of Christmas is over, we turn our attention to a broader unit of measurement - trying to measure the year. This is when we attempt to take an inventory of where we have been and how we have been changed along the way.

2008 was a time of change and growth for my family. Mary Beth earned her Master’s degree and then unexpectedly lost her father a few weeks later; our oldest son, Brandon, graduated from college and went on to create a life on his terms; Caitlin changed from a restless teenager to a young woman with a determined focus and passion for life; Andrew, for the first time, acknowledged his fears; and our youngest, Emily, found her niche and is beginning to claim her individuality.

I saw change, too. I’m beginning to realize my value and understand the power I have to be a person of choice. After 46 years, I’m ready to heal my wounds, once and for all, and acknowledge what they have cost me in the past. Through my writing, I’m finding my voice – one full of confidence and hope for the future.

On Thursday, all six of us will be together again. It will be a time to celebrate our family traditions. No doubt we will reflect on the year and try to apply some unit of measurement to it. We will talk about the significance of what happened and how we can use the events to help us keep growing and continue learning how to become the people we are destined to become.

When we sit down to dinner on Christmas day Mary Beth will look to me to lead our family in prayer. In an odd sort of way our family has been separated from one another this year. The issues we have confronted have been personal ones. Our energy, and our attention, has been focused inward and we have had little energy to share with others.

But the best part of being a family is when we take the time for some self-care, the others understand all they have to do is to ask for some help and it will be given. Our children also understand no matter the issues Mary Beth and I are facing, their needs will always come before our own.

When I look around the table I will see change. I will see five people who aren’t settling for a life that is just good enough. Growth is hard work and it can be uncomfortable. However, Christmas Day will take us back to each other – back to the familiar and back to the comfortable, if only for a little while. For one more day we will laugh and share and remember the best way to measure a year is to measure it in love.

This is my benediction for the year. It’s a bridge to connect where we have been this past year to where we are going in the new one. It offers some sense, and promise, that no matter what happens in our lives we can always find value and purpose in the circumstance.

May we continue to realize how precious life is and take the time to enjoy the gifts we receive every day.

May we remember life is wonderful, even when it hurts.

May we always keep in mind that life is for learning, growing and changing.

May we keep our hearts open to love and find ways to share our hearts with those who will cherish it.

May we find the inspiration to keep hope alive and our faith strong no matter what.

May we remember that we do control our power; it’s not for others to take – it’s ours to give, but only to those we choose.

May we give ourselves grace and compassion and continue to heal from shame.

May we take the time to listen to our children and make the commitment that, no matter what happened to us when we were a child, it is now our responsibility to break the cycle; end the pain and give love unconditionally.

May our wounds continue to heal as we keep them from hurting others.

May we admit our weaknesses and acknowledge our temptations.

May we continue to focus on what’s important and know that true abundance is best measured by the love we share.

May we reconnect with those we have neglected or taken for granted and may we be given the words that will bring healing.

May we use this day, right now, to be happy, to enjoy all we have; may we offer forgiveness to those who have hurt us and tell those closest to us how much we love them.

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“What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If today happened to be your wedding day all over again or the day you made a life-long commitment to your partner, what would you say? With knowing what you know today, would you change your vows?

This isn’t about having regrets for what you should have said, it’s about taking advantage of the opportunity you have each and every day to reconnect and to restate your commitment and love. We don’t need a formal ceremony to do this; we can do this over our coffee and corn flakes, too.

Love in the beginning can be very idealistic and naive. It is full of hope and promise, but with very little information that would tell us how our partner needs to be loved. The key to a lasting relationship is to accept and support your partner’s needs. Your commitment to those needs makes all of the difference in your partner’s happiness – and your own.

Experience gives us a more precise lens to see the world. Experience in our intimate relationships tells us where the landmines are located and where the joy and pleasure can be found. Use this experience as an ally to better understand and appreciate your partner. Use this experience to give your partner more of what they asking for and more of what they need.

So, we come back to the question “what would you say today?”

• Would you tell your spouse the love you give is unconditional and will never have to be negotiated?
• Would you tell your partner the garbage and wounds he or she carried into the relationship will never be used as a weapon?
• Would you tell her that she is entitled, and encouraged, to have a life independent of your own?
• Would you tell him that during the times when you were trying to sabotage the relationship you were really just trying to prove, once and for all, you were not worthy because that’s what you were once told? Would you tell him you were really just asking for help?
• Would you tell your lover you are now ready to loosen the grasp on a damaged heart you have griped tightly for too long? Would you tell her it’s OK to peel your fingers back, one by one, so your heart can be shared?

Sometimes a well-timed comment here and a compliment there can be just the positive energy our partners need to be filled-up with love and encouragement. Sometimes what we say has significant power. We must chose to use that power carefully and tenderly – it’s a matter of trust.

In some ways, these comments can carry more weight than the vows we memorized and recited to a person who we were still getting to know. Instead, the passing comments uttered in the context of everyday life (yes, even over a bowl of corn flakes) are often times experienced by the other as being more loving and much more credible because they are coming from someone who now better understands what the other one needs.

Try to find an opportunity today. You don’t have to look far to find one, you just have to make the effort to look. When you find one, what would you say?

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