“Keep the lesson, but throw away the experience.” - Author Unknown
You may notice the headline for today’s post, How to Live Without Alcohol for 100 Days?, is in the form of a question; not a statement. The reason for this is because I don’t know the answer. But, I want to find out.
I have always experienced the gap, the thin line in my soul between alcoholism and sobriety as paper thin and always in danger of being erased. There is plenty of family history to suggest both a propensity and a genetic pre-disposition for alcoholism to surface inside me at any given time. It is a disease I have narrowly escaped most of my life – and I want to continue to do so.
My attempt to go 100 days without drinking a beer or having a glass of wine will not erase my tendencies to drink for the wrong reasons and it certainly will not give me any moral ground to stand on if I am indeed successful. I just want to see if I can do it.
Too often, I have reached for alcohol to sooth my anxiety or to make me feel more comfortable when I’m with people I don’t know well. I associate going to baseball games with drinking beer and I eagerly look forward to that first Friday after-work drink, too.
Now, I want to try to experience all of these things without the usual assistance. My inner voice, my inner wisdom, has been suggesting this to me for some time now. It’s time to listen.
Day One started this past Sunday, May 4. Day 100 will be on Monday, August 11. How I live the days in between will be the challenge. I really don’t have a roadmap or any past experience to draw on for these 100 days. All I have is determination and a hope I will learn new things about myself.
My hope is old wounds that sometimes open and fester with insecurity when alcohol is the instigator will begin to close. I will not be healed or fixed in these 100 days, but there is hope I will have gain valuable personal insight that will help me with the healing process.
I’m not sure what will happen on August 12th. I can’t say if I will drink again or at what level and frequency. I do, however, have faith and confidence in whatever happens between now and then will be the right things for me. So, a leap of faith begins.
Here’s my plan for living 100 days without alcohol. Please share other ideas you think would be helpful:
Ask for help
By making this very public announcement, I’m asking to be held accountable for my actions. I’m also asking for help, and I’m sure I will ask for help many more times over the next 100 days, too. Some things in our lives are much bigger than we are.
Pride and arrogance contribute to our failure when we fail to ask for help. Ironically, it takes confidence and courage to ask. Confidence in that we believe there are people in our lives who care enough to listen and support us. Courage in the sense we want to keep moving forward in spite of the obstacles and pain.
Find alternatives
It will be difficult finding alternatives for the Sunday afternoon glass of wine or the cold draft beer during a dinner out. For me it’s just been a matter of habit; a matter of comfort.
Just as the physical act of drinking is a habit, so is the dependency on the calming effect the alcohol provides. Therefore, I may substitute a beer for a glass of ice tea, but more importantly, I will need to discover alternatives to finding comfort and peace. This will be the biggest challenge and hopefully the greatest opportunity for me.
Investing more time in reading, writing, improving relationships, exercising and just thinking are seem to be the likely candidates right now. I know a certain degree of peace in my life can be rejuvenated and restored by investing in these areas. I’m also certain I will find comfort by learning how to take better care of myself.
The thought of truly feeling all of my emotions without the faint haze of melancholy draping over me is invigorating. I’m looking forward to going into a Friday afternoon with the knowledge I can be at peace and content by just being Alex; no other assistance will be required.
Live one day at a time
Some days will be easier than others because it wasn’t my habit to drink everyday. Typically, I would not drink alcohol during the week. It will be the weekends, or being in a restaurant or at a ball game that will be the most challenging. There is also a vacation planned for later in July that will undoubtedly give me some concern. However, the cliché take it one day at time is the best advice I can try to follow.
To go 100 days without drinking will require making a conscious choice each and every time I’m confronted with the temptation. It’s not so much about setting a 100 day plan, but rather setting and living a moment-by-moment plan. It is my hope all of these moments of making the deliberate decision to resist the temptation will all contribute to the final result I’m seeking.
Take a leap of faith
During the times when I’m not feeling particularly confident, I will attempt to step back and ask what a stronger and more confident person would do in this situation. The answer will be there to cling to if I choose. So, knowing this, a leap begins.
Recommended Resources
If you enjoyed this article, please subscribe via RSS feed or by email updates. You will receive fresh, new content free of charge!
Receive the new eBook: How to Finish Strong in Life. How to Finish Strong in Life is a collection of our best articles on how to improve relationships, sustain happiness and create lasting success for the rest of your life. The book is a reminder that it’s not about how you start; it’s about how you finish in life that counts. Buy it here for only $4.95.
If you find this website helpful, please consider donating to The Next 45 Years. The amount you donate is entirely up to you. Thank you for your continued support.
Join the Rich Life Club today and begin fulfilling your maximum potential.
May 6th, 2008 at 3:37 am
Best of luck Alex! I recently did a 30 day alcohol free stint. Actually, that’s not true, I did 29 and collapsed on my wedding anniversary, but at least I’d said I’d do that prior
It wasn’t as tough as I thought and I really only did it to see if I could because I’m not a big drinker but I do love a cold beer and a glass of wine.
I admire anybody that has a crack it it though and the sheer fact that you’ve posted about it here increases your chances of success exponentially.
May 6th, 2008 at 3:39 am
One more thing.
I can almost guarantee that you’ll succeed.
Knowing you as you I do, I know you’d never lie to your kids. So tell your kids and it’s a done deal. It may even remove the temptation bit because you’d never be tempted to let your kids down.
May 6th, 2008 at 3:56 am
This is a worthy goal and I applaud you for it.
I love wine but wasn’t liking how I felt after having even a glass or two - I haven’t had any alcohol for 8 years and when I decided to stop drinking it was far easier than I anticipated - “anticipated” being the operative word.
As a test, I decided not to have that glass of wine while out with friends for “just one night”. It was an eye opener experiencing the night out without drinking and being w/others who were. I felt so much better when I returned home - clearer.
You can do it - but I wouldn’t think about August -focus on the day - it’s amazing how quickly those days add up.
May 6th, 2008 at 4:48 am
@ Tim: Thanks for the advice and encouragement!
@ Patti: Congratulations on your success. You are right about only focusing on the day. If I do that, each day, August will take care of itself. Thank you!
May 6th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Alex - I’m sure you’ll do fine, and I can’t wait to read the post about your success that I know you’ll be writing in August.
I see not drinking alcohol in exactly the same light as not eating junk food, not smoking, gambling, etc. It is all a mindset. Put yourself in a lifestyle zone where those things are simply not a part of your life anymore. It’s not a question of desire or temptation, it’s simply a matter of “yes I do that” or “no I don’t do that”.
I know that sounds ultra-simplified, but when it comes to battling something that is tempting, I have found that keeping it simple and making a true commitment to that simplicity is the key to success.
May 6th, 2008 at 5:16 am
Hi Alex –
What a brave and wonderful statement/question. As one who quit drinking for 90 days 27 years ago, I applaude you. You have outlined the answers to your own questions within your blog.
The only thing I would add to your own observations is that it is much easier to not go it alone. (This you have implied from your blog anyway.) For me, help has come through a 12 step program, but I know there are other forms of support out there as well.
What I came to see was all the reasons that I use alcohol: to mask feelings, to quell fear, to avoid facing “truth” about myself, to procrastinate, to feel at ease in party situations, etc.
While only you can discern that fine line, I would suggest that if you are thinking about it this hard, it might mean that you have crossed over the line.
Blessings on your journey. It all goes a step at a time.
Linda
May 6th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Congratulations on challenging yourself in this way, Alex! I’m not a big drinker, so giving up alcohol is really no big deal for me. I am, however, a total sugar addict!
About three months ago, I challenged myself to give up sugar and caffeine. It was not a fun process. I think my poor husband went into hiding for the first week, until my withdrawal symptoms subsided!
What really helped me was witnessing my own inner dialog. Lots and lots of ego-based resistance came up, and I acknowledged all of it - and stayed away from sugar anyway. It gave me huge insight into my dependence on sweet foods for self-soothing and “treating” myself.
There were physical detox symptoms for two weeks - my body just ached. And then, just like that, it was over. Once I adjusted, I could cheerfully say no to birthday cake or desert. No problem.
I kept it up for 8 weeks. Now, I occasionally eat desert or sweets. I enjoy them - but I don’t “need” them after a hard day’s work as a treat. All in all, totally worth it!
You can do it!!!!
May 6th, 2008 at 5:33 am
Alex - I can definitely relate to the anxiety-relieving effect of alcohol. I’m pretty shy in social situations and having a drink or two really takes the edge off that tension.
My only suggestion for you in this context is to focus on your objective for the interaction. If you’re networking for professional purposes, focus on that. If you’re in a more social situation, it may not hurt to take a cue from the “pick-up-artists” of the world and have a few “routines” to use for ice breaking with new people.
May 6th, 2008 at 5:40 am
Wow…Alex….what a goal!!
Ok, I am not a drinker but have also committed to decline an offer of wine even for social events. I’m so intend to having a clear mind as much as possible that I prefer not to have alcohol cloud it, even for a night. I already went through last Christmas not having a single drop!
If you should feel stressed and find yourself wanting to reach for a glass, just ask for help. Feel free to call me, except that I’m from faraway Singapore, or email!
All the best,
Evelyn
May 6th, 2008 at 6:03 am
Good luck. I stopped drinking 10 years ago and can’t remember why I did now. There is a certain social pressure to drink at least in the UK. But, you only have to put up with the odd remark.
May 6th, 2008 at 6:04 am
After going an entire year without any alcoholic drinks I know the struggle the first 100 days were. It was the thirst that really started to drive me nuts. But you can get through it. Just think about how great it will be to accomplish this goal! It will certainly make you an healthier person as well which should greatly improve your life. Best of luck to you and just keep your eyes on your goals everyday and you should be just fine.
May 6th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Alex - WOW! Great post, great goal. I’m surprised that no one has added prayer to your plan. If you’re not a pray-er, self talk has power as well. There’s a prayer that’s included in most 12 step programs that goes like this: “God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.” Or, put into a self talk phrase: “I have the serenity to accept all things, I have the courage to change the things that I can, and I have the wisdom to know the difference. I definitely believe in myself and I know I can do this.”
May 6th, 2008 at 6:44 am
Alex,
I commend your decision and determination, as well as the transparency you’ve offered to all of us into your life. That takes courage.
I, too, went through a period without alcohol. I quit drinking for a 40 day period a few years ago to prove to myself, and to those around me, that I wasn’t alcoholic. The bad news is that I celebrated at the end of the 40 days in a way that defeated the purpose of my abstinence - I partied like I had never partied before because, in my irrational mind, I wasn’t alcholic. Imagine the delusion in that thought!
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says: “Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic.” And that was how I felt.
The good news is that my little experiment eventually led to my continued sobriety. I haven’t had a drink in about 3 years.
I can’t say I know exactly where you’re at, but your thought process seems logical. You didn’t ask specifically for my advice, and I don’t like to offer it unless asked, but your honest post has prompted me to suggest that you find something substantial to substitute for drinking. Alcohol is but a symptom of a larger problem, and we must treat the bigger issues if we hope to succeed.
I would ordinarily say ‘good luck’ in your endeavors, but it isn’t about luck. It’s about taking action with the knowledge you possess. If I can be of any assistance, please call upon me at any time.
David
May 6th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Alex– SO funny, I am myself embarking on at least 30 days of no alcohol…I am incorporating a pseudo fast in the beginning to propel me in the right direction. I have done 30-50 days before without alcohol. You CAN do it man, I have faith in you. Thank you for sharig so vividly your intention….this goes a long, long way!
Todd
May 6th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Good for you! I wish you well with this endeavor.
My grandfather was alcoholic and I have always used alcohol sparingly, don’t even like the taste of beer. The more I do energy work, such as Reiki and CCT, the more I find I dislike the effects of alcohol on my body and mind. Just does not feel good to me. I rarely even take a glass of wine any more.
So you might do something really different and go take a Reiki class to see how that goes for you. That opens the door to a lot of self healing in and of itself and who knows, you might find you enjoy it!
Lexi
May 6th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I really identified with your post. Alcoholism runs in my family, and I know I’ve abused alcohol in the past. But it’s a source of comfort and relaxation for me. Like you, I’m not a daily drinker, but the thought of forbidding myself to have a glass of wine after a hard day makes me feel panicky. This has given me a lot to think about!
May 6th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Interesting.
May 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Alex, you can do this, and we’ll be right here cheering you along.
May 6th, 2008 at 11:13 am
The summer we moved was so very stressful that every time I turned around I had a beer in my hand. We ended up switching over to a non-alcoholic beer.
For me, it was the “hand to mouth, icy bottle” that was the soothing effect, the alcohol actually got in the way and caused way too many arguments.
I suppose it sounds like “cheating”, but until I can find cane-sugar soda in glass bottles, beer it is.
Also, enjoy your surprise weight loss… it’s heading your way whether you realize it or not!
May 6th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Alex,
I was never able to drink successfully, even being a cocktail waitress and a bartender, because booze puts me to sleep. For years, I was proud to be able to dine out with friends and consume a glass of fine wine with dinner, while staying awake and coherent. Finally, I decided that drinking to be sociable or relaxed was a waste of money and time. There are too many healthy alternatives.
I have friends who stopped heavy drinking habits, though, by telling themselves that they were not drinkers. They made a conscious decision NOT to drink prior to being faced with a choice. This self-talk helped them to develop a different self-image of themselves and carried them through up to this point.
I used the same technique to eliminate chocolate from my life, so I know it is effective.
When we utilize our free agency to determine the type of person we are, we make the decision IN ADVANCE of the need to choose. For example, “I am a non-chocolate eating, relaxed and happy individual, who enjoys challenges and maintains a relaxed but alert, stress-free attitude at all times.”
Works for me!
Who needs booze(or chocolate, or whatever? Not me!
May 6th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Hey Alex,
I wish you Godspeed. Alcohol has never been an issue for me–I could always just take it or leave it…so all I can say is I’m cheering you on from here. Best of Luck…we will stay tuned and be there if you need some support.
It is always wise to follow your own inner voice. That by itself is stronger and more important than a drink on Friday night!
May 6th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Good luck Alex!
Good job going public!
What I hear is an opportunity for you to build some muscle around making choices that serve your purpose in life. Letting external circumstances dictate your drinking habits is a sign that you’re not conscious of the choice you’re making in each of those moments.
More than drinking or not drinking, what I hope you gain from this experience is the ability to choose your path from moment to moment, regardless of the circumstances.
Also, try substituting fresh juices!
Thanks for sharing this with us!
Erek
May 6th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
I had stopped drinking for about 10 years, and then it snuck up on me again, mainly due to a relationship I was in with an active social drinker.
I haven’t had a drop since July 6, 2007. When I would drink, I would hear a little voice in my head saying, “This isn’t where you want to go….” So I decided to heed that voice.
My best advice: one day at a time!
Also engaging in daily spiritual practices.
Good luck.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:01 am
@All: I’m truly touched by the comments and the spirit of encouragement and grace that each one of you have extended to me. I will provide updates along the way when I have something to share; or need to ask for help. Until then, thank you for your kind words of strength. And yes, Rich, I do believe in the power of prayer – thank you for sharing yours!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
I haven’t had the experience of alcoholism, but have a good friend in recovery . . . something like 20 years. From what she has shared, remaining active in Alcoholics Anonymous has been instrumental.
While online support is good, who will you be able to call and get immediate help when you’re tempted, and who will know what’s going on with you well enough to know when you’re approaching danger? That’s what a sponsor can do, and from what I understand that’s why you need one.
May 7th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Alex
I am so proud of you. My addiction is sweet things, cakes and biscuits but I have experience of alcoholism within my circle.
It is the saddest thing in the world seeing them trying so hard and slipping back but one day they won’t. One day they will find the inner strength to take one hour at a time, one day at a time until they can take one week at a time. Then it will grow into months, then years - I know it.
Have faith in yourself Alex and be proud. Believe it or not, my giving up sweet things is almost impossible but I will start a 100 day just like you. Thank you for the inspiration.
God bless
May 9th, 2008 at 7:46 am
Hi Alex… I just discovered your blog. Excellent decision. I can’t say enough good things about living an alcohol free life.
I went for almost 16 years without alcohol because booze had started making me feel physically ill. I guess I drank too much in college, like most people.
But then I went to Paris, and I couldn’t resist the wine flowing everywhere, and that started me back. I knew, though, that it wasn’t the right choice when a friend of mine said, “I’m so glad you started drinking again. It makes you a more fun person.” So, I’m only fun when I drink? Oh, brother.
Mercifully, the alcohol started making me sick again. I would get a 6 pack hangover from one drink, hard liquor, wine, beer, didn’t matter. And so, I quit again. And I feel much better and happier. And I haven’t talked with that friend in 2 years.
Good luck with the challenge.
May 9th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Great article. Certainly its not easy, and in fact I was directed to your site by another article you wrote as a guest regarding your daughters return from college. I was very intrigued by your approach and as I read on. . . I felt a bit stumbled by your mention of discussing her choice for president . . . over a beer. It just didn’t seem to fit with all the other things you were saying.
I’ve been a member of AA for 15.5 years now, and, although I could have quit for 100 days. . .I needed to quit for more than that. Once you cross the line from drinker to alcoholic - you won’t have the choice to go back over that line again. I personally wouldn’t be testing it. I know from experience and listening to the experiences of others - its not worth it. In fact, I can honestly say, there is not an alcoholic substance out there that I would consider in exchange for the life I’ve been able to manifest since I’ve stopped drinking. The clarity that has come to me by putting down the drink- and releasing the addiction- has been incredible.
One of my kids decided to go to AA, “but you’re not an alcoholic”, I cried out. He politely reminded me that “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.”
May 9th, 2008 at 10:59 am
@Jewel: Regarding the beer comment in my guest post for Zen Habits, I wrote that article about three weeks ago before I made this 100 day decision. I think I already know what my answer will be on day 100 - it’s just hard admitting to it right now. Thanks for taking the time to comment - I appreciate your support very much.
Alex
May 9th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
First, the man takes a drink.
Then the drink takes a drink.
Than the drink takes the man.
–Japanese Proverb
May 10th, 2008 at 5:01 am
[…] Committed to a Cause Anniversary Gift Idea - Recreate Your First DateHow to Live Without Alcohol for 100 Days? […]