At first glance this idea, to identity 10 things you wish you had never learned, may seem like negative or backwards thinking. Personal development and self-growth should only focus on the positive – right? However, you must first acknowledge what you want to change or heal before real growth can occur.
We have all learned from the negative thoughts and experiences which have contributed to defining who we are today. At times, we have learned to what amounts to be garbage about ourselves, our loved ones and about our role, identity and place in this world. There is no filter that has been built around us to sift through the trash we sometimes absorb.
Therefore, it is important to be your own filter. It is important to see what is working for you in your life right now and to keep doing more of that. It is also important to recognize what is not working for you and do your best to rid yourself of this garbage.
What we think to be true; what we think we know; what we have learned can be counterproductive to our personal growth, success and happiness. Especially if what we have learned is keeping us from having the intimate relationships and personal satisfaction we deserve.
It has taken me 45 years to figure out what I wish I had never learned. I’m sure I will be adding to this list over the next 45 years, and beyond:
1. I wish I had never learned that I’m not worthy to have what I want.
2. I wish I had never learned that it’s waste of time to be spiritual and to worship.
3. I wish I had never learned how to be smoke and mirrors.
4. I wish I had never learned that I could change my situation by being perfect.
5. I wish I had never learned that wearing eyeglasses is a sign of weakness.
6. I wish I had never learned that I my value was determined by others.
7. I wish I had never learned that being confident and secure was only a myth.
8. I wish I had never learned that sex equals intimacy.
9. I wish I had never learned that speaking up for my needs was a waste of time.
10. I wish I had never learned that I wasn’t enough.
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November 11th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
I love the ownership aspect of this process - truly, writing a list like this does make us own the “garbage” we’ve collected - from family, from society, from collective consciousness - and take it to the dump!
I personally wish I’d never learned that I have only one talent. It took me way longer than necessary to embrace the others.
Blessings,
Andrea
November 11th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Hmm, things I wish I’d never learned. What a fun way to unearth negative beliefs. Thanks!
November 14th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
What a great post!
1. I wish I had never learned that crying and emotions (other than anger) were a sign of weakness.
2. I wish I had never learned that college would answer all of life’s questions for me (because when it didn’t I was very disappointed).
3. I wish I had never learned that my parents knew everything and that “because I said so” was a legitimate reason for listening to them.
November 20th, 2007 at 12:34 am
I wish I had never learned that knowledge is the answer to all my desires
I wish I had never learned that failure is an option
I wish I had never learned that I need others’ approval to think highly of myself.
ronit
RonitBaras.com
November 20th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
I wish I had never learned that I need a man to be complete.
I wish I had never learned that it wasn’t good enough for me to be who I really am.
I wish I had never learned that having a positive self-image meant you where stuck up.
December 4th, 2007 at 9:35 am
I wish that I had never learned that good girls don’t get angry.
I wish that I had never learned that you have to be perfect to be loved.
I wish that I had never learned that men want only one thing from women—sex.
I wish that I had never learned that I didn’t have value.
I wish that I had never learned that it was not ok to be me.
I wish that I had never learned that sex equals love.
I wish that I had never learned that the world is not a safe place.
I wish that I had never learned to put the feelings of others above my own feelings.
December 4th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Patricia - thank you very much for sharing.
December 5th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Alex, after reading your article, I wrote my own linking it back to yours. You will find my article at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/limiting-beliefs-may-be-holding-you.html
December 14th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Wow…this is powerful!!
I wish I hadn’t learned that my I needed to settle for something logical and sensible - because my dreams weren’t realistic.
I wish I hadn’t learned that love is painful and the only way to get along is to never trust anyone.
I wish I hadnt learned that I’m not “pretty enough”, “smart enough”, “thin enough” to do the things I dreamed.
December 24th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
Thank you for the list!
I agree with everything but the sex
December 29th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
I wish I’d never learnt that I had to allow the bossiest members of my family to dictate to everyone else!
February 6th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I wish I had never learned that relationships required monogamy.
I wish I had never learned that marriage was important.
I wish I had never learned jealousy.
I wish I had never learned to fear my own desires.
I wish I had never learned procrastination.
I wish I had never learned to ignore
February 6th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Red - thanks for sharing. We can learn by others!
February 13th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
It is true that we must UNLEARN alot of things that we were taught as kids - especially ideas of limitations and/or lack. Such is the challenge of the New Age Movement, to grow along with and into the limitless cosmos in which we live. Superb article! Regards, Keith Johnson, Author “365 Great Affirmations”
February 13th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Thank you Keith for your observations and support.
February 16th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I’m not sure how to phrase this in the same way … but I learned from my father that working hard, long hours is the job of The Dad, to the neglect of the kids and the wife … and I am glad that I began to unlearn it before it was completely too late;
I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would love my wife so much more after fifty years … magic.
February 17th, 2008 at 4:56 am
Tony - thank you for sharing the magic!
February 17th, 2008 at 6:02 am
I wish I had never learned that I’m mortal.
February 25th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I wish I’d never learned that I’m not good enough.
I wish I’d never learned that escape and avoidance were effective ways of coping.
I wish I’d never learned to focus on my fears.
February 25th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
1. I wish I never learned that the only way to be deemed successful is to have a job.
2. I wish I never learned that I have to be perfect to be accepted.
3. I wish I never learned that my needs and desires are not important.
4. I wish I never learned that an interest in art cannot make me money or that it can be put to good use.
5. I wish I never learned that spirituality is not an important part to life.
February 26th, 2008 at 7:27 am
I wish I never learned the pain you will experience when dealing with Infertility.
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:38 am
Hmm, interesting.
I wish I’d never learned that being negative keeps you safe, that expecting things to go wrong means you’ll be right most of the time, and if you’re wrong, well so much the better.
I wish I’d never learned to put up walls to protect myself, for others to jump over to get to me.
I wish I’d never learned that the glass is half empty and half full
March 5th, 2008 at 12:02 am
This is a great tool for self-discovery. I’ve created a post on my blog of my own list with a link back here.
I wish I never learned striving for excellence wasn’t the norm.
I wish I never learned the end of joy filled moments.
I wish I never learned that life is temporary.
I wish I never learned how to stop believing.
I wish I never learned to expect less from life than the best.
I wish I never learned how not to communicate.
I wish I never learned to speak more than to listen.
I wish I never learned any negative thoughts.
I wish I never learned to be untrue to myself.
I wish I never learned all the things I wish I never learned.
http://www.successchronicle.com/i-wish-i-never-learned/
March 6th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
[…] Inspiration) by Tray Gamble on 06-03-2008 This post was inspired by Alex Blackwell at thenext45years with much appreciation. I found it to be such a great tool for self-discovery and acknowledgment of […]
March 8th, 2008 at 9:01 am
We become wise by experiencing the things we wish we had never learned, and they are an important part of our growth and development as human beings.
The innocence of childhood is lovely, but would you really choose to erase the life lessons learned along the way?
It is the peaks and valleys filled with both pain and joy that make up the full experience of this thing called life.
March 8th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Noa,
For me, my 10 things have limited me and kept me from fully loving myself, and life. But you make a good point, there are no accidents without value. A big piece of who I am today is a result of these things.
Alex
March 8th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I wish I had never learned to doubt.
I with I had never learned that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
I wish I had never learned that everything happens for a reason.
March 11th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Hi Alex and others,
A valid point is made for self-acceptance and experiences contributing to who we are as individuals. Whether those experiences added value to our lives, and who we ultimately became or detracted from them is quite another matter.
I’m sure few of us would blindly trade our life experiences for those of another, and what makes one person weak, may indeed make another stronger.
True wisdom I suppose does comes from taking the experiences of life, good or bad, and using the lessons learned for the betterment of your life and the lives of others. That way, even our lesser desired experiences can contribute to our growth with positive outcomes.
April 21st, 2008 at 4:30 pm
1. I learned to never consider marriage
2. To hold back a climax
3. To look down
4. That I am disqualified
5. To walk outside the circle of normal society
6. To not give myself a chance to love
7. To not belive in myself
8. To believe I can’t be loved
9. To be embarrassed
10. That it is never my turn