All this week, The Next 45 Years is excited to have Mort Fertel provide his thoughts and views on how to build stronger and more loving marriages. Mort Ferte
l, author of Marriage Fitness, is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for helping people renew their marriage. Marriage Fitness is a relationship renewal program designed as an alternative to marriage counseling.
Fertel appeared on NBC, CBS, PBS, and the Fox News Network. He is a frequent guest on talk radio programs including NPR. His breakthrough work, Marriage Fitness, was profiled in The Washington Post, Family Circle, Psychology Today, Glamour Magazine, Fitness Magazine, The Library Journal, Women’s Health, The Denver Post, The Orlando Sentinel, The Baltimore Sun, and The Toronto Sun.
Today, Mort Fertel shares with us the importance of giving more in your marriage.
Most people think that the FEELING of love comes BEFORE we express love - and in the beginning of a relationship, that’s what happens. You fall in love and THEN you do acts of love. Your feelings inspire your actions.
But mature love asks more of you. To create a strong LASTING marriage, you first CHOOSE LOVING ACTIONS. Your feelings will follow.
After all, you don’t jog two miles or skip dessert because you feel healthy. You feel
healthy because you jogged two miles and skipped dessert. So too, when it comes to your marriage, YOUR ACTIONS CREATE YOUR FEELINGS!
Once upon a time, when you fell in love, it was easy to give to your spouse, and you probably enjoyed thinking up new ways to express how you felt through your giving. Remember surprising your spouse with something you knew they wanted? Remember the thoughtful trinket you got?
WITHIN THE NEXT 48 HOURS, give your spouse a gift. Now here’s the key. It can’t be just any gift. Your spouse has to feel YOU in it. You see, the most important part of a present is that it embodies the presence of the one who gave it to you. This is not a matter of money. This takes time, thought, and energy.
What gift would tickle the soul of your spouse? What could you buy or make for your spouse that would show how much of YOU went into the gift? Don’t just buy anything. Make sure it’s your spouse’s favorite color, made in their hometown,
or something they mentioned last week. This takes some deep thought, but I guarantee that if you make a habit of this kind of giving it will TRANSFORM YOUR MARRIAGE.
What could you give your spouse that would make them glow and look at you with intense appreciation? Did they recently mention they wanted something? What’s your spouse’s favorite dessert? Favorite flower? Favorite spot for a romantic retreat? Favorite sports team (tickets to a game)? Favorite author (new book)? Favorite musician (CD or tickets)?
Inside your spouse is a child that wants to be understood. If your spouse is like most people, he/she does NOT feel understood - even by you. When you get the right gift for your spouse, they will feel UNDERSTOOD, and connected to you, the giver. When you give someone a gift that says, “I know you, I understand you,” you can “melt” them.
ABOUT MORT FERTEL
Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for helping people renew their marriage. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.
ABOUT MARRIAGE FITNESS
Marriage Fitness is a relationship renewal program designed as an alternative to marriage counseling. Recent case studies show that it’s twice as likely to successfully save and restore a marriage than traditional counseling.
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