Yesterday Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness, shared with us the importance of giving in your relationship. He suggested in the next 48 hours you give your spouse a gift.
The point is not to give an object, but to give a gift your spouse can feel you in it. Have you considered what gift to give? The purpose in this activity is to remember that when we are focused on giving and supporting the needs of our spouse, and not our own needs, we will be given so much more in return. However, your motivation and focus must remain on giving more – more of yourself in a very authentic way.
Today, Mort Fertel reminds us of the importance of getting more involved with your spouse and your marriage:
Have you ever heard the phrase “You are what you eat”? This catchy slogan from the fitness industry reminds us that how we “spend” our calories determines our health. Want to be fat? Then eat lots of fat. Want to be healthy? Well, you get the idea.
When it comes to your marriage, I would say, “YOU ARE WHAT YOU DO.” In other words, how you and your spouse SPEND YOUR TIME determines the strength of your marriage. Spend it together and you’ll feel connected. Do your own thing too often and you might sleep in the same bed, but you’ll feel worlds apart.
At the beginning of your relationship, you probably had no trouble spending lots of time together doing just about anything. And, in fact, SHARING TIME was exactly what CREATED CLOSENESS between you. But as the years went by, you probably took up separate interests, and began to spend more and more time apart.
Many couples are very good at coordinating compatible lives. He’s got his schedule. She’s got her schedule. Some couples sleep under one roof, but they lead COMPLETELY separate lives. You can achieve compatibility like this (like you had with your college roommate), which is not a bad thing, but you won’t have a good marriage. You might manage your family fine, but your relationship will NOT be fulfilling. And you’ll be lonely. You might not be alone, but you’ll be lonely.
Our culture today promotes independence. We even have something called the “Me Generation.” But a strong marriage requires a “Move from Me to We.” Love requires SPENDING TIME TOGETHER and being involved in each other’s lives. It’s not about being independent; it’s about being successfully INTERdependent.
Do you remember when you used to visit each other at work? Meet each other’s family and friends? Help solve each other’s problems? Ask each other’s opinions? Learn about each other’s interests? That’s the ticket!!!!!
Of course, I know this doesn’t sound appealing if your marriage is on the rocks. You may not feel like being together. But which comes first, a good marriage or involvement in each other’s lives? Which is the cause and which is the effect? The answer is: involvement or interdependence is one of the primary ingredients for a successful marriage.
Getting involved does not necessarily mean that you have to do the activity together. It could mean that you watch the activity, plan for it, pack for it, budget for it, buy supplies for it, or research it in preparation for discussion. How you get involved depends on you, your spouse, and the interest. There are endless possibilities. The goal is to GET INVOLVED in some way so your spouse’s interest becomes part of your life too.
ABOUT MORT FERTEL
Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for helping people renew their marriage. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.
ABOUT MARRIAGE FITNESS
Marriage Fitness is a relationship renewal program designed as an alternative to marriage counseling. Recent case studies show that it’s twice as likely to successfully save and restore a marriage than traditional counseling.
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