Today’s post will feature Action 2: Take personal responsibility for your feelings and needs. Over the next several days all five actions will be highlighted and are intended to help you and your partner make a plan for your relationship:
Action 1: Kindness to self and other
Action 2: Take personal responsibly for your feelings and needs
Action 3: Organizational responsibility
Action 4: Financial responsibility
Action 5: Health and well-being
Action 2: Take personal responsibility for your feelings and needs
People in loving relationships do not make their partner responsible for their feelings, or needs. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated, guilty, or shamed, they look at their own thoughts and behavior that may be causing their painful feelings. They do not see themselves as victims of their partner’s choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings without dumping on their partner. 
Too often we say “our needs are just not being met.” Frustration, and sometimes panic, ensues when we feel there is no hope for our needs and feelings to ever be recognized. In times and circumstances like these, one approach is you do nothing except to focus more on meeting the needs of your partner.
This strategy may seem frightening, but in my experience it has been effective. Here’s the idea: In order for you to have your needs met, your must take responsibility for them. Consider stop asking for your needs to be met, and instead ask how you can better meet the needs of your partner. Your focus and energy should only be on meeting their needs. Meanwhile, only you can take care of you. If you need love – give yourself love. If you need respect – give yourself respect. If you need grace – give yourself grace. The coupling of focusing on the needs of your partner and filling yourself up with whatever you need is an effective combination and will lead to greater success in your relationship.
By following this strategy, your loved one may begin to experience you as less anxious and demanding; therefore, more willing to give you what you want. Your increased dependency on yourself will give you a greater sense of confidence and pride – which in turn, may be more attractive and inviting. Take 100% responsibility for your level of happiness and satisfaction in your relationship. You own how your think and feel, never relinquish that power, that gift, to any one else.
Next: Action 3: Organizational responsibility.
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